What You Are!

30 years of working is a pretty hard thing to believe. 

T.H.I.R.T.Y YEARS. Three whole decades. 360 months, or just shy of 11,000 days of work, completed.

Time for a bit of reflection one would expect. 

Truth is though, time for that has long past. About 15 years ago I did think about changing the career line, but it was going fairly well then, so why fix what isn't broken.

Today I am glad I never gave up. Breakages, life changing moments, friends come and friends gone and life's little ups and downs have all tested me one time or another, but the career remains as solid as the day I started it, and only I can ruin that. 

On a totally different angle, I was at a meeting of like minded writers this evening. At the end of the evening one of them shook my hand and told me, "Good luck with your new book and I hope it brings you success."

And of all the life changing moments, that was a good one. You see I really don't want success. Im too old for it. Just don't care for it at all.

Some will say that that is arrogant, and self harming, even stupid, but I don't think I'm the first to feel this way either. J.D.Salinger author the Catcher in the Rye, was a recluse despite his fame, yet rumors abound that he never stopped writing. 

He wrote because it was in him . 

I write for the same reason. My head fills with literary prose and if I don't empty the head, the mind makes words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs and so on. Eventually I have to start writing after sleepless hours out of fear of not being able to remember all the words, lines and paragraphs and the feeling that I would have simply wasted a sleepless evening.

The point to this blog tonight is this. I read part of Shoaib Ghauri's blog today(http://shoaibghauri.com/) and read the following 

". ............... WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET AND WHAT YOU FEEL IS REALLY WHAT YOU ARE. "

It was part of a larger text and I have taken it slightly out of context, but I loved it.
I have worked for thirty years in a singular trade. I am that person through and through. What you see really is what you get when you talk profession and trade to me. In this respect I am arrogant and head strong. I am the bane of many managers existence, because I know my trade inside out and from the ground level to the board room, not just via a text book.

Some days I wish I was different though. I don't always want to argue with others, but my trade has made me a certain way. I don't always want to be the one writing a firm letter of un-waivering stance to other management about their conduct, but my career has made me believe in a certain system of facts . I don't always want to push my staff to achieve their best when I know and can see, that they really don't care. but I was raised with the view, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. So push them to breaking and if they don't break they will remain forever. I did.
I also look like my trade demands, I really am personification of What you see is what you get.

".....WHAT YOU FEEL IS REALLY WHAT YOU ARE. "

Is the part that gives me hope for myself. I have had a great career. Still will for several decades more yet. I have seen great success and walked away from it for multiple reasons. The push for a new book is not out of a desire for success but because within me, I knew it was the right thing to do for my industry. The industry needed someone to stand tall and point with certainty that the direction we are on is wrong, we need to go there! And so I did. Own words, own money and own sacrifices in an effort to assist an industry slightly teetering on choosing the wrong course.

I feel satisfied and proud that I did that. I need not be the name on the front cover of a title, I need not be the person associated with the work, because the work itself is strong and right for its time.

Of my writing work I feel the same. I have no need for glory or success. I am happiest when I am hidden away on a remote beach location typing by myself and simply turning singular words that enter my brain into 800 words essays of fun and joy for others to read.

Success can be many things to many people. For me, it is to be able to write and be read. Full Stop.
What you feel is really what you are.......I feel happy, I feel strong and I feel satisfied, I feel love and adore to be loved and I do not feel scared to shed a tear in happiness or loss. In essence I simply feel comfortable about who I am.
And that makes me very happy. If we could all raise children to be truly in touch with their own feelings, to fight peer pressure and to not be afraid of being absolute individuals who felt happy, strong and satisfied, who loved and gave love and where emotionally comfortable, I think the world would be an amazing place. Perhaps its the thirty years behind me , but the fight for success at any costs, the survival of the fittest and the race to climb to the top of an industry has become a little tiring. getting rich at any cost seems so wrong and leaving the poor behind to suffer far worse.

You really can not judge a book by its cover.
To judge me by what you see would be to get what you think.
To know me truthfully is to know what I feel. And that is as individual as it gets.
I could equate this to so many situations, but I don't want to get political or in trouble.
Lets not judge by what we see, nor judge by pre-conceived ideas , lets spend some time to get to know people and their feelings. Each one of us is different and feels different things thanks to the individual lives we have all lead.
What I am.....WHO I AM.....Is what I feel!
My cover may look like many other books, but the content is uniquely me.